Cogito Roulette

by Brad Buchanan

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I think therefore I aim and fire

at the general space of my awareness

not knowing if my luck will hold

if brain death would be bad or good

​

I have spun the karmic wheel

in search of an eternal fate

the curt verdict of a pistol

with five soft clicks and a single missile

that promises sudden Armageddon

​

otherwise my search for a unified being

with body and mind accepting each other

must continue out of range

​

I do not actually own a revolver

only an endless supply of pills

to launch at symptoms beyond the wall

of consciousness where my health lies prone

and praying for rescue or a stray bomb

to end the nightlong strafing from nowhere

​

I find myself on both sides of a border

an idle forefinger probes my temple

for a way to soothe the pressure

some system of knowledge to simplify

this painfully stark duality