(Re)Consider the Veggies

by Sean Cahillane

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In the future, there’s a festival for every fruit and vegetable,

Politicians promise parity to make them more electable.

 

A gala for the apples is, to me, obscenely peccable,

Though a peck of speckled reds is entirely respectable.

 

A soiree for the peaches seems madly reprehensible,

A pit that fills my stomach and is wholly indigestible.

 

Celebrate the broccoli, but do it from your sectional,

Crowning it in public is quite incomprehensible.

 

A shindig for the strawberries is wildly lamentable,

My nephew is allergic and, I’m sorry, not expendable.

 

Carrots and potatoes are staples and delectable,

But worshipping some tubers would make society indefensible.

 

Beans and cabbage, too, are for some quite nearly edible,

But they hold a penchant for distress, and yes, I mean intestinal.

 

Allow me to suggest that eggplants are simply just a spectacle;

They should be relegated to emojis and expressions of the sensual.

 

A festival for farro would be utterly forgettable,

File that idea in the nearest trash receptacle.

 

Winter squash and summer squash are wacky and presentable,

But the planner of that hoe-down ought be given medical-grade injectables.

 

Suffice to say, I have no patience for the infinitely dimensional,

Save for cuts of meat— I’ll take those in any size, or shape, or decimal.